Full Course Description
Breakthrough Results with Difficult Men: Terry Real on Working with Narcissists, Bullies, Boy-Men and Avoidants
Program Information
Outline
Session 1 - Straight Talk, Hard Truths and An Open Heart
- Evolution of masculinity – the challenge of power
- Development of relational approach – relationship to psychodynamic therapy
- Therapist as relational, self-disclosing individual
- Addressing relative individual involvement in couple pathology
- Traditional concepts of patriarchy – benefits of egalitarian relationships
- Current trauma and neuropsychological approaches and limitations of the research in couples work
- Adaptive approaches become counterproductive with age
- Increasing intimacy and sensitivity without feminization
- Influence of culture and “me too” movement
- Challenging myths of masculinity and femininity
- Relational Life Therapy approach to managing male withdrawal and intimidation
- Confronting grandiosity and privilege
- Establishing leverage and power
- Accepting intimacy and gains when offered
- Primary types of difficult men – boy-man, bully, narcissist, avoidant
- Gratification and relational joy
- Pursuant-avoidant relational dynamic
- Characteristics of effective Relational Life Therapy therapists – balancing power and nurturance
Session 2 - An Abusive Bully Faces His Own Trauma
- Working to increase intimacy
- Dynamic of interaction – rage vs silence
- Making realities collide
- Evaluating relative positions – selecting specific points of intervention
- Beginning with positive vision, evaluation of relational stance
- Moving from complaint to request
- Approaches to confrontation – preparing and asking permission
- Addressing affective dissonance
- Breaking up the dance – searching for something new
- Monitoring reactions to confrontation – modulating affect
- Diagnostic phase of interview – assessing reactions
- Siding with conflicting perceptions
- Role of therapist in session – necessity of personal investment
- Reactive anger vs characterological anger
- Control and dependency in abusive relationships
- Roots in family of origin – adaptive nature of stance
- Facilitating trust and open expression
- Parallels with trauma work – empathic reversal
- Impact of prior trauma on current relationship – role of abandonment feelings
- Approaches to wounded child, adaptive child and functional adult roles
- Basic phases of Relational Life Therapy – therapist stance
- When one partner is damaged – adjunctive care options
- Closing sessions – summary and closure
Session 3 - A Shaming Dad Discovers a New Way to Parent
- Confronting hopelessness – identifying map for treatment
- RLT is a post patriarchal therapy – deconstructing masculinity
- Attending to two realities – identifying point of leverage and intervention
- Therapist willingness to identify problematic behavior and take sides
- Working effectively with grandiose individuals – confronting ego syntonic behaviors
- Diagnosis and setting the stage for intervention
- Identifying discord and negative aspects of parenting styles – costs of shaming
- Forming alliance with the best part of the man – warm regard, logical presentation
- Moving from observer to coach - preparing transition toward family of origin
- Development of adaptive child role – reaction to power
- Converting shame to grandiosity – central motif of masculinity
- Authoritarian vs democratic parenting styles
- Identification with abusive parent
- Therapeutic and selective use of attunement, confrontation and nurturing
- Dealing with the family pathology of toxic masculinity
- Clarifying consequences – harsh realities delivered in the context of therapeutic alliance
- Prescription of concrete skills and interactions
- Therapist transparency – expression of emotion
Session 4 – A Selfish Boy-Man Gets a Lesson in Empathy
- Family of origin as source of dysfunction – avoiding blame
- RLT diagnostic technique and pacing
- Responding to negative interactions in session
- Appropriate discrepancy to allow both alliance and change
- Using attention to reinforce and compel engagement
- Use of self in therapy – freedom of expression
- Establishing trust with truth and authenticity
- Video demonstration – implementing confrontation
- Countering evasions, “slippery moves” from participants
- Meeting momentum with countermomentum – making realities collide
- Role of psychoeducation – developing concrete relational skills
- Empathic reversal – identification with perpetrator
- Using different language to speak to functional adult, adaptive child, wounded child
- Three types of Narcissism – proper, hysterical, obsessive-compulsive
- Language of the moment – the charm of precision
- Privileged obliviousness – undoing patriarchy one couple at a time
- Remedial empathy – sensitivity training
- Acting as client agent
- Gender differences in couple therapy
- Closing therapy – relieving responsibility, offering confidence and hope
- Follow up report – divorce proceedings
Session 5 – An Avoidant Man Learns to Show Up
- Addressing avoidance in couple relationship
- Establishing agreement about engaging in conflict
- Family of origin influences – harsh and remote parenting as source of avoidance
- Type 1 and 2 love avoidance – neglect vs enmeshment in family of origin
- Reactivity to issues of control, judgement or contempt
- Framing interventions to deepen connection and understanding
- Unblending adaptive child from adult – empathy and self-disclosure
- Normalizing the avoidant dynamic – seeking openness, new patterns
- Facilitating adoption of new patterns of relationship – coaching
- Negotiating a structure for effective communication
- The four steps of the feedback wheel – occurrence, affect, cognition, request
- Therapy pacing – moving through levels and modes of engagement
- Types of resistant clients and methods of approach
- Inner child work – connecting adaptive child with functional adult
- Relationship between RLT and Internal Family Systems – shared and differing goals
- Working with adaptive child vs wounded child – relational focus vs healing the inner child
- Do’s and don’t’s of the RLT approach
- Countering empathic reversal – caring for the wounded child
- Type 1 and Type 2 love avoidant individuals – sources of threat
- Addressing the wounded child – protection from the functional adult
- Evaluating and sustaining gains – maintaining the energy
Objectives
- Differentiate Relational Life Therapy from traditional couple therapy approaches.
- Characterize the four primary styles of male dysfunction in couple relationships.
- Prioritize adjunctive interventions when one partner is damaged by prior trauma.
- Demonstrate each partner’s stance into their family of origin, working with childhood trauma in front of one another.
- Effectively communicate treatment goals and necessary therapeutic steps to couples.
- Discover how to have the confidence to trust your own intuition and training in a session with a couple.
- Conceptualize traditional toxic masculinity and methods to counteract intergenerational transmission.
- Prescribe concrete behavioral instructions to improve couple relationships and parenting skills
- Identify the systemic dynamic, the repeating vicious circle, couples become stuck in.
- Discriminate between the three types of narcissism and choose appropriate strategies of intervention.
- Recognize each partner’s self-defeating stance (angry pursuer) and their contribution to the dynamic between them.
- Anticipate negative reactions in therapy and structure responses that reinforce and compel engagement.
- Use a psycho-educational approach to intimacy and precisely unearthing and prescribing what right would look like.
- Categorize the parts of wounded child, adaptive child and functional adult and organize appropriate approaches to each.
Target Audience
- Psychologists
- Counselors
- Social Workers
- Case Managers
- Addiction Counselors
- Marriage & Family Therapists
- Nurses Educators
- Other Mental Health Professionals
Copyright :
04/10/2019
Module 2: Jerome & Cindy, An Abusive Bully Faces His Own Trauma
Copyright :
11/27/2018
Module 3: Tom & Ann, A Shaming Dad Discovers a New Way to Parent
Copyright :
11/27/2018
Module 4: Bill & Staci, A Selfish Boy-Man Gets a Lesson in Empathy
Copyright :
11/27/2018
Module 5: Tim & Marty, An Avoidant Man Learns to Show Up
Copyright :
11/27/2018
BONUS: Gender Roles in Marriage: How They've Changed
OBJECTIVES
- Explain why polarity and sexual tension are essential to the health of romantic relationships.
OUTLINE
- Explain why polarity and sexual tension are essential to the health of romantic relationships.
- Exciting sex naturally involves a good amount of dominance, submission, and power
- Women like men who do manly things, although they don’t want to be oppressed by it
- Polarity emphasizes clear definitions of what it means to be a man and a woman, in line with predominant social constructions
- “Soft” men are usually seen as less desirable; many women prefer a natural aggressiveness in sexual matters
- Identify the three phases Terry says are necessary for women to get what they want out of relationships with men.
- Daring to rock the boat: being upfront and confrontational about your needs and desires
- Helping him out: teaching your partner how to be your partner
- Making it worth his while: reducing complaining and giving positive reinforcement and encouragement
- Describe three ways in which Millennials have reinterpreted gender roles.
- Millennials are especially gender progressive
- Millennial women aren’t pushing for a worthwhile career, they expect a worthwhile career
- Millennial men are more comfortable performing tasks traditionally allotted for women, such as raising children and doing housework
- Millennial men are more expressive and emotional, attributes traditionally associated with women
Program Information
Target Audience
Psychologists, Counselors, Social Workers, Case Managers, Addiction Counselors, Marriage & Family Therapists, Nurses, and other Mental Health Professionals
Copyright :
07/28/2014