Lesson Objectives

• Identify the armor we use to protect ourselves against feelings of shame and how the uncertainty associated with vulnerability affects our ability to practice authenticity and experience connection.
• Explore how and why perfectionism, numbing, and foreboding joy are three of the most commonly used armoring practices and how to move through them toward increased authenticity.
• Describe how to recognize shame including our physiological responses.

Reading Assignment Daring Greatly

Chapters 3 and 4

Exercise: The Physiology of Shame

Reflect on the following:

When I hear the word shame, I think of...

If shame were a color, it would be...

If I could taste shame, it would taste like...

If I could smell shame, it would smell like...

If I could touch shame, it would feel like...

I physically feel shame in/on my...

My shame symptoms include...

I know I'm in shame when I feel...

When I'm in shame, I feel...

When I talk about shame, I feel...

I can talk about shame with...

Exercise: Shame Shields

Below are the three Strategies of Disconnection as developed by Linda Hartling, a relational-cultural theorist.

Moving away – withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets.
Moving toward – seeking to appease and please.
Moving against – trying to gain power over others, being aggressive, and using shame to fight shame.

Answer the following questions:

01. Whom are you most likely to move away from?

02. What are the specific triggers or situations that would prompt you to use the shield of moving away?

03. Whom are you most likely to move toward?

04. What are the specific triggers or situations that would prompt you to use the shield of moving toward?

05. Whom are you most likely to move against?

06. What are the specific triggers or situations that would prompt you to use the shield of moving against?