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Digital Seminar

Learning from Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity & Pathways to Intimacy


Speaker:
Esther Perel, MA, LMFT
Duration:
3 Hours 38 Minutes
Format:
Audio and Video
Copyright:
May 24, 2018
Product Code:
NOS095950
Media Type:
Digital Seminar



Description

Conventional practices say therapists should insist upon full disclosure after an affair, and view all infidelity as a traumatic event. But affairs can also act as a powerful alarm system, shaking couples out of complacency.

Watch Esther Perel as she identifies infidelity within a broader social context of modern marriage, digital culture, and sexuality, exploring the nuance between an affair that breaks a relationship already dying on the vine and one that can remake it.

Credits


**

NOTE: Tuition includes one free CE Certificate (participant will be able to print the certificate of completion after completing and passing the on-line post-test evaluation). 

Continuing Education Information:  Listed below are the continuing education credit(s) currently available for this non-interactive self-study package. Please note, your state licensing board dictates whether self-study is an acceptable form of continuing education. Please refer to your state rules and regulations. If your profession is not listed, please contact your licensing board to determine your continuing education requirements and check for reciprocal approval. For other credit inquiries not specified below, please contact cepesi@pesi.com or 800-844-8260 before the event.

 

Materials that are included in this course may include interventions and modalities that are beyond the authorized practice of your profession.  As a licensed professional, you are responsible for reviewing the scope of practice, including activities that are defined in law as beyond the boundaries of practice in accordance with and in compliance with your profession's standards.

All members of the PESI, Inc. planning committee have provided disclosures of financial relationships with ineligible organizations and any relevant non-financial relationships prior to planning content for this activity. None of the committee members had relevant financial relationships with ineligible companies or other potentially biasing relationships to disclose to learners.  For speaker disclosures, please see the faculty biography.


Counselors

This self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction. Credit requirements and approvals vary per state board regulations. Please save the course outline, the certificate of completion you receive from the activity and contact your state board or organization to determine specific filing requirements.


California Counselors

The California Board of Behavioral Sciences accepts CE programs that are approved by other approval agencies, including several that approve PESI and its programs.  A full list of approval agencies accepted by the BBS can be found at www.bbs.ca.gov/licensees/cont_ed.html under “Where to find CE Courses.” This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.0 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


Florida Counselors

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the Florida Board of Clinical Social Work, Marriage and Family Therapy and Mental Health Counseling. Provider Number 50-399. This self-study course qualifies for 3.75 continuing education credits.


Missouri Counselors

CE credit is available. This self-study course consists of 3.75 continuing education clock hours for Missouri Counselors. The Missouri Committee for Professional Counselors accepts continuing education programs relevant to counseling that are provided by organizations recognized by national social worker associations. PESI, Inc. is recognized by a national social worker association. Please see social work approvals for this program.


Nevada Counselors

PESI, Inc. is an approved CEU provider with the State of Nevada Board of Examiners for Marriage and Family Therapists and Clinical Professional Counselors. This self-study activity qualifies for 3.75 contact hours. Approved Provider # NVCEP2006.


Ohio Counselors

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the State of Ohio Counselor, Social Worker and Marriage & Family Therapist Board. Provider approval #:RCST071001. Full attendance in this self-study course meets the qualifications for 3.75 clock hours of continuing education credit. 


Pennsylvania Counselors

The Pennsylvania State Board of Social Workers, Marriage and Family Therapists and Professional Counselors accepts many national association CE approvals, several of which PESI offers. For a full list, please see your State Board regulations at https://www.dos.pa.gov/ProfessionalLicensing/BoardsCommissions/. This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


South Carolina Counselors

This self-study program has been approved for 3.5 continuing education hours by the South Carolina Board of Examiners for Licensure of Professional Counselors, Marriage and Family Therapists, and Psycho-Educational Specialists. Provider #4540.


Social Workers

PESI, Inc., #1062, is approved to offer social work continuing education by the Association of Social Work Boards (ASWB) Approved Continuing Education (ACE) program. Organizations, not individual courses, are approved as ACE providers. State and provincial regulatory boards have the final authority to determine whether an individual course may be accepted for continuing education credit. PESI, Inc. maintains responsibility for this course. ACE provider approval period: January 27, 2023 - January 27, 2026. Social workers completing this course receive 3.75 Clinical continuing education credits.

 

Course Level: Intermediate Format: Recorded asynchronous distance. Full attendance is required; no partial credits will be offered for partial attendance.

 

Canadian Social Workers: Canadian provinces may accept activities approved by the ASWB for ongoing professional development.


California Social Workers

The California Board of Behavioral Sciences accepts CE programs that are approved by other approval agencies, including several that approve PESI and its programs.  A full list of approval agencies accepted by the BBS can be found at www.bbs.ca.gov/licensees/cont_ed.html under “Where to find CE Courses.” This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.0 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


Colorado Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the Colorado Chapter of the National Association of Social Workers. Provider #1413. This self-study course has been approved for 3.7 continuing education hours. 

 

COLORADO PARTICIPANTS ONLY: If you did not answer YES to be reported to the Colorado Chapter of the NASW on the evaluation, please contact cepesi@pesi.com and provide the full title of the webcast, speaker name, date of live broadcast, your name and your license number in the email.

 


Florida Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the Florida Board of Clinical Social Work, Marriage and Family Therapy and Mental Health Counseling. Provider Number 50-399. This self-study course qualifies for 3.75 continuing education credits. 


Illinois Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the State of Illinois, Department of Financial and Professional Regulation, Division of Professional Regulation. License #: 159-000154. Successful completion of this self-study activity qualifies for 3.5 contact hours.


Kansas Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the Kansas Behavioral Sciences Regulatory Board. Provider #14-006. This self-study course has been approved for 3.5 continuing education hours.


Minnesota Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the State of Minnesota, Board of Social Work. Provider #: CEP-140. This self-study package has been approved for 3.5 continuing education hours. This certificate has been issued upon successful completion of a post-test.


Montana Social Workers

The Montana Board of Behavioral Health no longer pre-approves any courses or sponsors. Each licensee is responsible for taking courses which contribute to their competence and directly relate to their scope of practice as defined in board statute (MAR 24-219-32). Licensees must keep CE documentation for three years in case of an audit. This intermediate level self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of instruction.


New York Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is recognized by the New York State Education Department's (NYSED) State Board for Social Work as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed social workers #SW-0008. This self-study activity will qualify for 4.5 contact hours. Full attendance is required; no partial credits will be offered for partial attendance. 


Ohio Social Workers

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the State of Ohio Counselor, Social Worker and Marriage & Family Therapist Board. Provider approval #:RCST071001. Full attendance in this self-study course meets the qualifications for 3.75 clock hours of continuing education credit. 


Pennsylvania Social Workers

The Pennsylvania State Board of Social Workers, Marriage and Family Therapists and Professional Counselors accepts many national association CE approvals, several of which PESI offers. For a full list, please see your State Board regulations at https://www.dos.pa.gov/ProfessionalLicensing/BoardsCommissions/. This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


Illinois Psychologists

PESI, Inc is an approved provider with the State of Illinois, Department of Professional Regulation. License #: 268.000102. Full attendance at this self-study course qualifies for 3.5 contact hours.


Kentucky Psychologists

PESI, Inc. is approved by the Kentucky Board of Examiners of Psychology to offer continuing education for psychologists. PESI maintains responsibility for this program and its content. This self-study activity will qualify for 3.75 contact hours.


New York Psychologists

PESI, Inc. is recognized by the New York State Education Department's (NYSED) State Board for Psychology as an approved provider of continuing education for licensed psychologists #PSY-0014. This self-study activity will qualify for 4.5 contact hours. Full attendance is required; no partial credits will be offered for partial attendance.


Ohio Psychologists

PESI, Inc. is approved by the Ohio Psychological Association, Provider #263896894, to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. PESI, Inc. maintains responsibility for this program and its content. PESI is offering this self-study activity for 3.75 Standard hours of continuing education credit.


California Marriage & Family Therapists

The California Board of Behavioral Sciences accepts CE programs that are approved by other approval agencies, including several that approve PESI and its programs.  A full list of approval agencies accepted by the BBS can be found at www.bbs.ca.gov/licensees/cont_ed.html under “Where to find CE Courses.” This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.0 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


Florida Marriage & Family Therapists

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the Florida Board of Clinical Social Work, Marriage and Family Therapy and Mental Health Counseling. Provider Number 50-399. This self-study course qualifies for 3.75 continuing education credits.


Illinois Marriage & Family Therapists

PESI, Inc. has been approved as a provider of continuing education by the State of Illinois, Department of Professional Regulation. Provider #:168-000156. Full attendance at this self-study activity qualifies for 3.5 credits.


Nevada Marriage & Family Therapists

PESI, Inc. is an approved CEU provider with the State of Nevada Board of Examiners for Marriage and Family Therapists and Clinical Professional Counselors. This self-study activity qualifies for 3.75 contact hours. Approved Provider # NVCEP2006.


New York Marriage & Family Therapists

PESI, Inc. is recognized by the New York State Education Department's (NYSED) State Board for Mental Health Practitioners as an approved provider of continuing education for Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists. #MFT-0024. This self-study activity will qualify for 4.5 contact hours. Full attendance is required; no partial credits will be offered for partial attendance. 


Ohio Marriage & Family Therapists

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the State of Ohio Counselor, Social Worker and Marriage & Family Therapist Board. Provider approval #:RCST071001. Full attendance in this self-study course meets the qualifications for 3.75 clock hours of continuing education credit. 


Pennsylvania Marriage & Family Therapists

The Pennsylvania State Board of Social Workers, Marriage and Family Therapists and Professional Counselors accepts many national association CE approvals, several of which PESI offers. For a full list, please see your State Board regulations at https://www.dos.pa.gov/ProfessionalLicensing/BoardsCommissions. This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


South Carolina Marriage & Family Therapists

This self-study program has been approved for 3.5 continuing education hours by the South Carolina Board of Examiners for Licensure of Professional Counselors, Marriage and Family Therapists, and Psycho-Educational Specialists. Provider #4540.


Addiction Counselors

NAADAC

This self-study course has been approved by PESI, Inc., as a NAADAC Approved Education Provider, for 3.5 CE in the Counseling Services skill group. NAADAC Provider #77553. PESI, Inc. is responsible for all aspects of their programming. Full attendance is required; no partial credit will be awarded for partial attendance.


California Alcoholism & Drug Abuse Counselors

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider by the CCAPP-EI, Provider #: OS-03-036-1019. This activity meets the qualifications for 3.5 CEH's (continuing education hours).


California Alcoholism & Drug Abuse Counselors (CADTP)

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider by the CADTP, Provider #: 201. This Category H activity meets the qualifications for 3.5 CEU's (continuing education hours).


Connecticut Addiction Counselors

Provider #120924. This course has been approved as a CCB approved training and has been awarded 3.75 hours by the Connecticut Certification Board.


Ohio Chemical Dependency Professionals

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider with the Ohio Chemical Dependency Professionals Board. Provider Number 50-399. This self-study course qualifies for a total of 3.75 ceus in the area(s) of C2 - 3.75 hrs.


Oklahoma Alcohol & Drug Counselors

PESI, Inc. is an Oklahoma Board of Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselors approved provider #20240032. This self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


Montana Counselors

The Montana Board of Behavioral Health no longer pre-approves any courses or sponsors. Each licensee is responsible for taking courses which contribute to their competence and directly relate to their scope of practice as defined in board statute (MAR 24-219-32). Licensees must keep CE documentation for three years in case of an audit. This intermediate level self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of instruction.


New York Counselors

PESI, Inc. is recognized by the New York State Education Department's (NYSED) State Board for Mental Health Practitioners as an approved provider of continuing education for Licensed Mental Health Counselors. #MHC-0033. This self-study activity will qualify for 4.5 contact hours. Full attendance is required; no partial credits will be offered for partial attendance


Texas Counselors

This self-study activity consists of 3.5 clock hours of continuing education instruction. Texas State Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors no longer approves programs or providers. PESI activities meet the continuing education requirements as listed in Title 22 Texas Administrative Code, Chapter 681, Subchapter J, Section 681.142 Acceptable Continuing Education. Please retain the certificate of completion that you receive and use as proof of completion when required.


California Licensed Educational Psychologists

The California Board of Behavioral Sciences accepts CE programs that are approved by other approval agencies, including several that approve PESI and its programs.  A full list of approval agencies accepted by the BBS can be found at www.bbs.ca.gov/licensees/cont_ed.html under “Where to find CE Courses.” This intermediate level, self-study activity consists of 3.0 clock hours of continuing education instruction.


Marriage & Family Therapists

This self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction. Credit requirements and approvals vary per state board regulations. Please save this course outline, the certificate of completion you receive from this self-study activity and contact your state board or organization to determine specific filing requirements. 


Montana Marriage & Family Therapists

The Montana Board of Behavioral Health no longer pre-approves any courses or sponsors. Each licensee is responsible for taking courses which contribute to their competence and directly relate to their scope of practice as defined in board statute (MAR 24-219-32). Licensees must keep CE documentation for three years in case of an audit. This intermediate level self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of instruction.


Texas Marriage & Family Therapists

This self-study activity consists of 3.5 clock hours of continuing education instruction. Texas State Board of Examiners of Marriage and Family Therapists no longer approves programs or providers. PESI activities meet the continuing education requirements as listed in Title 22 of the Texas Administrative Code, Chapter 801, Subchapter K, Section 801.264 Types of Acceptable Continuing Education. Please retain the certificate of completion that you receive and use as proof of completion when required.


Nurses, Nurse Practitioners, and Clinical Nurse Specialists

This self-study activity consists of 3.75 clock hours of continuing education instruction. Credit requirements and approvals vary per state board regulations. Please save the course outline, the certificate of completion you receive from this self-study activity and contact your state board or organization to determine specific filing requirements.


California Nurses

PESI, Inc. is a provider approved by the California Board of  Registered Nursing, Provider #: 17118 for 3.5 self-study contact hours. 

** You will need to provide your license number to PESI. PESI must have this number on file in order for your hours to be valid.


Florida Nurses

CE Broker

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider by the Florida Board of  Nursing. Provider #: FBN2858. These materials qualify for 3.5 self-study contact hours.


Iowa Nurses

PESI, Inc. is an approved provider by the Iowa Board of Nursing. Provider #: 346. Nurses successfully completing these self-study materials will earn 3.7 self-study contact hours. Please email cepesi@pesi.com with your license number, include the title, speaker name and date. PESI must have this number on file in order for your hours to be valid.


South Carolina Psycho-Educational Specialists

This self-study program has been approved for 3.5 continuing education hours by the South Carolina Board of Examiners for Licensure of Professional Counselors, Marriage and Family Therapists, and Psycho-Educational Specialists. Provider #4540.


Canadian Psychologists

PESI, Inc. is approved by the Canadian Psychological Association to offer continuing education for psychologists. PESI, Inc. maintains responsibility for the program. This program is approved for 3.5 self-study continuing education hours. Full credit statement at: www.pesi.com/cpa-statement


Florida Psychologists

PESI, Inc., is an approved provider with the Florida Board of Psychology.Provider Number #50-399.This product qualifies for 3.7 self-study continuing education credits.


Pennsylvania Psychologists

PESI, Inc. is approved by the Pennsylvania State Board of Psychology to offer continuing education for psychologists. Provider #PSY000211. PESI maintains responsibility for the program(s). This self-study program qualifies for 3.75 continuing education hours.


Other Professionals

This self-study activity qualifies for 3.75 continuing education clock hours as required by many national, state and local licensing boards and professional organizations. Save your activity advertisement and certificate of completion, and contact your own board or organization for specific requirements.



Handouts/Brochure

Speaker

Esther Perel, MA, LMFT's Profile

Esther Perel, MA, LMFT Related seminars and products

Private Practice


Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist of Polish-Jewish descent who has explored the tension between the need for security (love, belonging, and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure, and distance) in human relationships.

Perel promoted the concept of “erotic intelligence” in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, which has been translated into 24 languages. After publishing the book, she became an international advisor on sex and relationships. She gave a TED talk in February 2013 called “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship,” and another in March 2015 called “Rethinking infidelity… a talk for anyone who has ever loved.”

Perel is the host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?”, which is based inside her therapist’s office as she sees anonymous couples in search of insight into topics such as infidelity, sexlessness and grief.


Speaker Disclosures:
Financial: Esther Perel maintains a private practice. She has employment relationships with Columbia University, Ackerman Institute for the Family, Norwegian Institute for the Expressive Arts Therapies, and 92nd Street Y. She receives royalties as a published author. Esther Perel receives a speaking honorarium and recording royalties from Psychotherapy Networker and PESI, Inc. She has no relevant financial relationships with ineligible organizations.
Non-financial: Esther Perel is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy and the American Association for Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.


Additional Info

Access for Self-Study (Non-Interactive)

Access never expires for this product.


Objectives

  1. Assess the motivations behind affairs and their possible meanings in different client relationships to inform the clinician’s choice of treatment interventions.
  2. Determine the cost and benefits of truth telling and transparency among couples where at least one has been emotional or physically unfaithful.
  3. Analyze the societal changes such as intimacy, and sexuality, that enter the consultation room and its clinical implications among couples.
  4. Determine clinical strategies to use with the couples’ children when communicating the outcome or process of the parents’ relationship.

Outline

The Fear and Fascination With Affairs

  • Historically condemned yet universally practiced.
  • What about cheating is so compelling?
Marriage, Sex, Intimacy, and Monogamy: A Brief Historical Overview
  • Marriage - from economic unit to romantic enterprise.
  • The romantic ideal.
  • The enshrinement of intimacy.
  • The sexualization of love: beyond sex for reproduction and woman’s marital duty (in the west).
  • The shift from sexual duty to sexual rights and sexual desire and pleasure.
  • Sustaining
  • The New Norm: Reconciling the domestic and the erotic in one relationship
  • Sexual satisfaction
  • The emotional and erotic challenges of the egalitarian couple.
Infidelity and Monogamy: Yesterday and Today
  • Monogamy - from patriarchy and lineage to a conviction of love.
  • Modern infidelity
  • The ideal of monogamy vs. the reality of infidelity.
  • From sin to betrayal, from fornication to sex.
  • The male double standard and gender differences around infidelity.
  • Gender-shifts: The double standard and the rise of female infidelity.
The Therapeutic Culture of Infidelity | Affairs
  • A symptom of problems in the couple.
  • Language of moral condemnation, vilification, or pathologizing, “Perpetrator/ Victim”.
  • Longstanding pathologies or childhood wounds
  • Belief in the redemptive power of confession and full disclosure of infidelity.
  • Rebuilding trust and intimacy
  • Affairs described as the story of a couple rather than the story of a triangle.
  • Lack of differentiation between the concepts of loyalty, fidelity and sexual exclusivity.
A Dual Perspective to Infidelity
  • Affair assumptions vs. reality
  • Rethinking loyalty and faithfulness.
  • Bringing to infidelity a dual perspective of hurt and betrayal on one side and growth and expansion on the other.
  • Secrets: A matter of autonomy as well as power over?
Rethinking Fidelity
  • Mapping the differentiation between concepts of fidelity and exclusiveness.
  • Defining fidelity as a relational constancy, a pact of emotional commitment, respect and loyalty, which can or not include sexual exclusivity.
Ethical and Existential Questions
  • Why does sexual betrayal hurt so much? How is it different from emotional betrayal?
  • Is faithfulness synonymous with sexual exclusivity?
  • Is faithfulness a virtue, a need for security, for propriety, a quest for comfort?
  • Is infidelity weakness and cowardice, or boldness and courage?
  • Can lying be a form of protection?
  • In the presence of multiple emotional betrayals - neglect, indifference, contempt, humiliation, abusiveness - is fidelity a virtue or weakness?
  • What is the relation between: Truth and Protection, Growth and Betrayal, Transparency, Privacy, and Secrecy, Loyalty and Faithfulness?
  • Is there a difference when the external relationship is emotional versus sexual?
  • Is jealousy a feeling we can/should transcend?
  • Is love in its essence monogamous?
  • Is the notion of property the enemy of love?
  • Is possessiveness an archaic remainder of patriarchy or is it fundamental to love?
  • Does the unfaithful have a right to remain silent?
  • What is the moral question about virtual infidelities? What is the morality of imagination?
  • Is chatting cheating?
Clinical Questions
  • Should we push for revelation? Is it essential to restoration?
  • What to do when we are told a secret the other partner doesn’t know?
  • Can we help a relationship while there’s a hidden affair?
  • How to discuss the topic of monogamy in the context of therapy?
  • Secrets: A matter of autonomy or power over?
  • Who decides whether internet activity is "infidelity"--the actor? The outraged spouse? The therapist?
Sex and Love Online
  • Romantic seductiveness of cyberspace
  • The egalitarianism of cyberspace: sexual appearance, age, gender, race and relations are scarcely relevant online.
Meanings and Motives of Affairs
  • General circumstances: life cycle, personal history, relational vulnerability, institutional pressures, existential dilemmas, gender influences, sexual orientation.
  • Affairs are less about sex and more about desire.
  • Reaction to other problems of life (loss of job, parent illness, loneliness, erotic alienation).
  • To gratify a paraphilic longing.
  • To experience same sex experience.
  • Sexual compulsivity.
  • Women seeking to re-experience themselves as sexual beings after kids.
  • A response to the feeling of insecurity about one’s sense of masculinity and femininity.
  • Secrets are a pathway to autonomy, for in secrets we activate our own will, free from the pleasing and caretaking.
  • Balance and stabilize the relation; an affair in order to preserve the marriage.
Affairs are Powered by Longing and Loss
  • The quest for a new self - reconnecting with lost parts of oneself.
  • Affairs often happen on the heels of death or a loss. Their intensity pushes back the imminence of death. Affairs as an antidote to death.
  • A response to long-standing sexual frustration.
  • A quest for aliveness and adventure.
  • A desire to experience lives not lived.
  • A quest for emotional connection.
Bad Marriages/Good Affairs
  • To stir jealousy and get our partner interested in us again.
  • To empower oneself and escape oppression and abuse.
  • As an act of revenge.
Role of the Therapist
  • Awareness of our own values, beliefs, and assumptions about infidelity and monogamy
  • Our personal history and experience with infidelity
  • Infidelity’s Triggers
  • Identifying with the unfaithful highlights the values of growth and autonomy
  • Identifying with the betrayed highlights loss of trust and betrayal.
The Politics and Secrets of Revelation
  • Cost and Benefits of Truth Telling and Transparency:
    • Positive effects of revelation
    • Positive effects of secrets
    • Open Secret Policy
    • Telling and Hearing
    • Sexual honesty
    • Restoring intimacy
    • The discovery of an affair
Privacy
  • Privacy - a functional boundary.

Target Audience

Psychologists, Addiction Counselors, Counselors, Social Workers, Marriage & Family Therapists, Nurses, and other Behavioral Health Professionals

Reviews

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Overall:      4.9

Total Reviews: 527

Comments

Debbie L

"Great class!! Esther is very engaging to listen to"

Daniel R

"Esther is exceptional at her craft."

Marilyn L

"Loved it! Very helpful!"

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